Markiplier Makes: A Ballista

Markiplier Makes: A Ballista


YOUTUBE TEAM! ASSEMBLE! *majestic trumpet* ah that’s stupid Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to the Ballista Building Challenge. we’ve got- ooh s*it Hi guys, welcome to another challenge with Ethan and Tyler. Tyler- (giggly) What the hell Ethan! Ethan- N-Not yet (laughs) Markiplier- Hang on, wait, let me do my other bit that didn’t work. *trumpet noises* nope *slightly higher pitched trumpet noises* YOUTUBE TEAM! ASSEEEEEMBLEEEE! Mariplier- Why are you standing in front of me? *everyone laughs* So anyway, we’ve got ballista kits here, We’ve never opened them before. that’s for you, and that’s for you. and this is for me. So, we’ve got mini ballista kits Tyler- why do I get the dented one? Markplier- Jesus christ! Everybody- *takes deep breath* you too! *more deep breaths* everything’s okay it’s gonna be okay! you’re doin’ great! you look great today, by the way. you too, Kathryn. you too, Amy. Amy-Thanks Markplier-Anyway, so, we’ve got ballista kits here. We’ve never seen these before, but we saw ’em online and we were like ‘hey, we gotta make those!’ So what we’re going to do is we’re going to um.. Without looking at the instructions, try to build this in 3 minutes. Sound good? Ethan- Sounds great. T- Sounds good! Markiplier-You don’t even get to open the box. Tyler- Alright we just build it. E: Mark do you want a ballista fact? Markiplier- what? Ethan- Do you want a ballista fact? I do not. *Mariachi music* Ethan- (reading) this kit is based on a Roman design Hardwood parts are laser cut for simple assembly, and amazing performance! *Silence* *Mariachi music* E- 0-3 year olds can’t use this product Markiplier- Ballista in German is BALLISTA! Ethan- Jesus.. Ballista in Italian is BALLISTA! Ballista in French is… BALListrau! Ethan- *repeats Mark* Ballista in Bulgarian is BALLIStraauu Markiplier: Ballista in- what’s that country? Markiplier- Poland? Ethan- *tries to sound it out* BALLIStrauu ANYWAY, alright, so is everyone ready for the challenge to start? Markiplier-We’ve got a timer? Ethan- We’ll count in our heads! Ethan- One.. Markiplier- (giggly) n..no! We need a timer we’re very efficient- DON’T- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Markiplier- WHAT THE F*CK? Ethan- I did not Tyler- ETHAN IS CHEATING! Markiplier- WOAAAH WOAHHH. Ethan- I peeked! Markiplier- WOAHH DISQUALIFIED! Ethan- (giggly) No! Ethan- I get to participate! NoNONO Put that – Why are you still doing it!? Alright you can’t touch it for 5 seconds Ethan- okay. Markiplier- He gets a 5 second penalty. Okay who’s ready for this? Markiplier- You ready for this? Ethan- I’M ready. Ethan&Markiplier- You got 5 seconds. Markiplier- yeah, alright, so ready? 3, 2 , 1 GO! Markiplier- OH No- Why are there bits? Ethan- Yeah, thats right. Markiplier- WHat the f*ck? Markiplier- OH NO Ethan- Oh i’ve got it. Markiplier- OH NO Ethan- I’ve got it under control. Markiplier- OH NO Ethan- mhm Tyler- Wait there’s a ‘glue here’ thing Markiplier- OHHH NOOO Ethan- There’s a glue?? Markiplier- Oh no! Ethan- NO INSTRUCTIONS Ethan- Get outta here! Markiplier- yeah no instructions if you do you get a penalty Markiplier- SO this is the channel, this is the bow Markiplier- This is the string Tyler- It smells like burnt wood. Ethan- laser cut! Markiplier- Yeah, laser cut for efficiency! *Mariachi music* Markiplier- Why is there so much rope? Markiplier- Oh my God! Markiplier- You can jump rope with this! Markiplier- Holy s*it! Markiplier- Oh, it’s two, never mind. Ethan-I don’t know how to make this. Markiplier- How close are we to 3 minutes? Kathryn- You’ve got one minute left. *Various chorus of what the f*cks, one minutes etc.* Markiplier- Oh god! Ethan- Oh nooo Markiplier- Alright hang on, wait. Markiplier- (to himself) look at the box. Markiplier-OHHH I get it igetitigetitigetit. Ethan- yeah, me too. Markiplier- Alright this is the hinge part, this is the channel.. Markiplier- it goes like that.. Markiplier- and then this goes on top of it to make the bullet come outta there.. Markiplier- I’M ASSUMING THAT NEEDS GLUE! Markiplier- BUT we don’t have that. Markiplier- oh, f*ck. Markiplier- (whispering) Is there a paper clip? Ethan- You’ve gotta be really gentle with this part.. Markiplier- I think we were supposed to have glue with this. Tyler- I think we were supposed to buy glue. Markiplier- I think we were actually supposed to have a lot of things before we actually did this. Markiplier-* LOUD GROAN* *timer goes off* Ethan- oh, pens down! *great laughs from all* Ethan- I think I’m the furthest along out of anyone! Ethan- Sounds about right! Markiplier- woooow. Markiplier- okay, alright. Ethan- What do you mean wow, Ethan- We all have THE SAME THING DONE! Markiplier- I’m still trying to figure mine out, Markiplier- I had a logical process for what I was doing Markiplier- I was categorizing my pieces before I was able to circumvent the-the Markiplier-[unintelligible mumbling] navigational processies of the ballista Ethan- I gotta go to the bathroom, it’s an emergency… (Mark Laughing) Markiplier- Did you just s*it your pants? Markiplier- Did you just shit your pants? Ethan- No I didn’t Markiplier- Did you just s*it your pants? Ethan-Guys… I s*it my pants. Tyler-Breaking News! He s*it himself. Ethan-I s*it my pants Ethan- No I didn’t. I just– I will! *Mark and Tyler laughing* Ethan (laughing)-Should I bring the mic in? Mark-Noo! Ethan-And I’ll talk? Mark-NOOO Mark-Alright fine. Bring your mic in. Ethan-This is just a nightmare. Mark-Yeah no– wait bring your mic in! Mark-Bring your mic in! Mark-Talk to us. Mark-Alright forget the timer. Mark-We’re just gonna– We’re gonna go for this one! Mark-We don’t have glue so we gotta make do without glue. Mark-Don’t look at the instructions! Mark-What are you doing?! Mark-We don’t do the instructions, you cheater! Mark-You get a penalty! Mark-You get punished! Mark-Cheaters get punished, right Ethan? Ethan-*laughs* right! Mark-Good alright cheaters get punished and you’re gonna get punished! Mark-I don’t know what the point of it is but you’re gonna get punished. Tyler-*whispering* I was-I was gonna say we should follow the instructions then make Ethan do it without it and say we did it without it. Mark-No! You cheater! Mark-If you can’t figure it out then you’re dumb! Mark-Ethan what was that? Tyler-But I wanted to see where the glue was Ethan-OHH NOOHOHO! Ethan-GUYS! Mark-Are you pooping? Ethan-THERE’S NO TOILET PAPER! *everyone laughs* Ethan-Oh– Oh what do I do??? Mark-Wash you a*s in the tub! *Tiny laughter* Mark-I wanna hear the water running! *more laughter* Ethan-This day has gone from bad to worse. Mark- How’d it– How’d it go in there? Ethan-Crisis adverted. *Tiny Mark Laugh* Ethan- Not even joking if I had stayed out here for another minute I would have s*it my pants Mark- why would you let us start the video when you had to s*it your pants? Ethan- It didn’t hit me until then Ethan- I thought about it before I was like “Do I need to go to the bathroom before we start filming? NO, I’m fine” Ethan- and then it hit me like a train Mark- and then the pie hit your lower intestines Ethan- yes, and then I exploded. Have we figured out how to make these yet? Mark- Uh, we (him and Tyler) have Ethan- oh you have to use- Mark- we’re now working against you. We are on a team and now you are not Ethan- oh no Mark- (in the weird accent they do) It is like opposite of Gingerbread house Ethan- (joining in on same accent) can I have glue? Mark- You cannot have glue, do not touch- ya, you can have this (to Tyler) it empty Ethan- Where’s my glue? Mark- You don’t have glue. You don’t get glue, you do without glue Mark- You make your own glue *Laughter* (Softly) Ethan-Okay Mark- Just give self a good squeeze Ethan- I will be back *Mark laughing* Mark- Have fun making the glue Ethan- what do I do if I have no glue? Mark- You make do Ethan- I make do without my glue? Mark- Figure out without glue. If you can’t get the man glue, you get the baby glue Ethan- baby glue? you monster Ethan- What do I do? Mark- Hey, you at home- Ethan- Come along with me on a glue adventure. I don’t know where to go Mark- There’s no glue over there Ethan- where is the fu**ing glue? Mark- There’s no glue Ethan- well, there’s one glue Mark- Ya, its our glue, don’t touch our glue Ethan- can I have a limited amount of glue? Mark: No, you have no glue Mark: You have to use icing as glue. Go find icing Mark: Where is squeeze icing? Ethan- Amy you got squeez? Mark- Amyy? Squeez? Ethan- AMY GoT ME SQUEEZ! YEESSSS Mark- OOOH Mark- laughing) You get de sparkle? Ethan- Sparkley squeez! Mark- Aw, Squeez so guod! Ethan- Aw, Squeez me! Ethan- Well! This gets me nowhere… okay! Ethan- Ah, squeez here! Come in for a close Ethan- I’ll come to you. Mark- O-No IT HAS ZOOM YOU IDIOUT! Mark- IT CAN’T DO MACRO YOU IDIOT– Mark- (giggling) It’s all blurry you fu**ing idiot! Ethan- I cannot open it Mark- Why are you so stuopid! Ethan- Oh wait I have to cut! (the tip) Mark- DO IT WITH BITE Mark- Here GIVE I BITE Ethan- NO ! NO! NO! Mark- I BITE! I BITE! GIVE Ethan- NO! Mark- I BITE!- Ethan- GET AWAY! Mark-OW! Ethan- STOP IT! Mark- OW! GIVE! Ethan- THIS IS MY PROJECT! Mark- B**CH! OW! F*CK! OW! Ethan- THIS IS MY PROJECT! Mark- STOP! WHY I KEEP STICKING HAND IN BEE’S NEST!? Mark- OW! OW! F*ck Mark- GIVE SQUEEZ! Ethan- I WILL NOT GIVE YOU SQUEEZ! Ethan- I have to find my own way to squeeze Mark- HELP! GIVE SQUEEZ! Tyler- I squeez! *various ‘no i squeez’ and ‘big squeez’* Mark- We squeez together! Mark- No! *laughter from all* Mark- Not what I want *various ‘oh no’s from tyler and mark* Ethan- I have squeeze Tyler- We have blunicorn! Mark- It blunicorn Mark- YOU WIMPY BABY BITE GIVE! Ethan- nO! Mark- I g- *Mark makes sounds of distress* Ethan- That’s right, pretty hard to squeez right? Ethan- you fu**ing dunce Ethan- thank yoU (weird laughter) Ethan- Ok time for big squeez- Mark- Alright you squeez out Ethan- squeez here! oh! Mark- GOOD FU**ING LUCK! (laughter) Ethan- It makes it funny noise Mark- I think you forget it not glue it fucking frosting! Mark- That is not correct! Mark- it’s like your wrapping a bullet! Ethan- It all I’ve got Mark- Did I do this upside down? Tyler- I think you did Mark- fuuuuuck I did it upside down.. Mark- OOHHH S**IIT Ethan- how’s it feel to be a fu**ing- Mark- AHHHHHHHH Mark (quietly)- Fu***kkk Mark- ohh noo Tyler- I warned you! Mark-*mouths* oh f*ck Mark- nohohoHOOOHOO Mark- OH NOHOHOHHO (laughing?) E- ENGINEER MY A*S! M- I’ll engineer your a*s M- WHAT IS THIS (laughter from all 3) M- ENGINEER MY A*S *lots of laughter* M- WHAT THE F**K IS THAT? E- DON’T touch it it’s a work in progress! M- (squeaky) Why do you have a bulle- M- So I can throw! M- It’ll be fine, it’s fine M- It’s fine guys don’t worry about it it’s fine M- I GOT THIS. M- If you don’t think I got this, raise your hand. M- you too at home! E&M- WHOOOP (as their hands go up) M- I had two strings. Who took my- DID YOU TAKE MY STRING TOO? M- YOU DID, YOU AS**OLE! M- THIS IS MY STRING! M- F**K YOU! M- GET THE F**K OUT OF IT M- YOU HAVE YOUR STRING RIGHT THERE! M- AS**OLE! E- Ow! M- AS**OLE! E- You know, this is an unsafe work enviorment! M- Ok. M- How in the f*ck does this have any tension is the question. E- yeah I’m wondering the same thing. M- Cause there’s like…. there’s like…. this doesnt make a lot of sense. M- So the only principle you have to understand about this is that at some point you need to have tension in these handles M- So that when they pull back there’s resistance M- on this band- T- Viva la résistance M- Let me do my thang! M- (continues explanation) so that it pulls back this ball M- So that it can project this bullet as far as it possibly can. M- Ooh! Idea! Okay, M- So I think one of these has to be cut. M- This is the part of the video where we run outta jokes and we actually focus on trying to make it work. M- (with string in his teeth) WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT? E- What do you mean what is it? E- Can you read? M- Oh jeez, Oh jeez M- Why did we think we could do this.. M- Why did we try? M- Oh, move this way M- Yeah, move this way M- Jesus Christ! E- CAREFUL! M- You HAVE to move it! M- It HAS to be moved! M- How is that- How is the icing actually holding those! E- It’s GLUE, Mark! M- I needa cut this again but I’m not going to break my teeth this time. M- Where’s that multi-tool? M- Tyler? M- Tyler where’s the multi-tool? T- I don’t know, E- *noises of disbelief* M- We were on the same team, Tyler T- I actually don’t know where I put it. M- What do you mean you don’t know where you put it? M- You know where you put everything that’s your shtick! M- Oh, there it is, Jesus. M- (mockingly) I don’t know where I put it. T- I don’t kn- I seriously didn’t remember M- I guess, somewhere M (to himself)- Safety first (to Tyler)- What? *Whispering between Tyler and Mark* Me- WELL I JUST CUT IT OKAY (laughing) M- AGAIN! I-JUS- SHUT UP! M- DAMMIT M- YOU FU**ING AS**OLE! M- YOU DID THIS TO ME! T- I WAS TRYING TO NOT TELL YOU where the multi-tool was M- *markiplier noises* M- WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST SAY THEN, M- (mockingly) I DONT KNOW WHERE THE T- CAUSE I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT M- OH F*CK YOU T- I WAS BUYING TIME M- It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. M- Whatever, buying time. M- Fuck E- *breakdown* M- Ethan did you just fully comprehend what is is you built M- (to Amy or Kathryn) Try to get the other camera back up now. T- So you need any more glue Mark? E- I got big thing of glue T- I got a whole brand new crazy glue E- So, how are your ballistas coming? *Mark sighs, more sounds of distress* E- Seems like you’re pretty lost! M- I know how to do it guys, M- I know how to make a ballista E- yeah.. M- I KNOW! M- I KNOW HOW IT WORKS. M- I know the basic principle. M- WHY ARE YOU GLOATING, WHEN YOU HAVE THAT?! M- *screaming* OH NO *more screaming* M- I know how this works. M- I know the principle. E- Then FU**ING BUILD IT M- i know the princip- E- Stop talking about it and DO IT! T- this can shoot 10 meters M- *uncontrollable giggles* E- wanna join forces once more? M- *more giggling* T- alright, alright M- *EVEN MORE GIGGLING* T- WOAH! MINE WORKED! M- (giggly) shut up! M- wait for it! wait for it! could you fu**ing wait for it! M- (to Ethan) Fire yours! Lemmie see this! M- Fire it! T- *wheezing* E- perfect! E- Looks like you’ve given up M- *crying laughter* Me- Why didn’t we read the instructions.. M- TYLER NO! M- TYLER WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE! M- aw jeez E- Tryin’ to cheat I see! *various oh’s then laughter* T- Good news is I made it to step nine M- I made it! I was- ah I didnt do it, E- Okay give your best estimates, if we were using the instructions, E- How long do you think it would’ve taken us to build it? E: Definitely not three minutes. M: Yeah, no, not three minutes. E: Probably like twenty-twenty five M: Yeah, twenty. We took an hour to do it, probably about an hour right? Yeah M: Um, impartial judges! *giggles* M (softly)- Fuck T: Wow *laughs* *Mark laughing* *Everyone laughing* T: EHH Eugh A: Alright. M: Alright. Um.
K: Oh boy. M: Tyler, you start M: Tyl-NO PENCILS DOWN T: NO MINE WAS UP THERE I JUST ADJUSTED IT because I was shooting at you M: Pencil down.
E: We had this issue last time, remember? M: Yeah, you kept working. No, no, no, no, you’re done. T: It was there!
M: NO YOU’RE DONE, NO YOU’RE DONE, NO YOU’RE DONE, NO YOU’RE DONE M: YOU’RE DONE, YOU’RE DONE, YOU’RE DONE
T: I WAS D-You guys are Jerry rigging me [???] *Tyler’s horse laugh* T: Mine here. It’s called the flicking ballista. Ya, ya flick it, and it shoots K: Mmm
A: Both too few and too little parts *Everyone laughing*
A: That’s impressive in it’s own right. M: Too few and too little? *laughter from all*
T: These are pretty big! A: That’s what I meant.
K: Yep E- Wh-what about Mark? M: Are you done with your explanation?
T: Yep M: Alright. Well, I’ve managed to create the world’s first wrist mounted ballista. Watch, see, stealthy. You wouldn’t even know that there was a ballista on my arm *laughs* E: I’m lookin right at cha and I can’t see anything. M: You can’t see anything can you? E: No. M: You won’t be able to see anything-
E: Until I’m dead
M: for a little bit. M: So, and then it’s like, you’re like, lalalalala, going to the grocery store-AH ENEMY *fires ballista* And then you got another *laughs* Two shots! A: It’s pretty good.
K: Yeah
M: Two shots and look at the range on this bad boy M: beeeee
A: It’s not 10 meters. *Everyone laughing*
M: Hang on wait, no, that was a test shot. Hang on AHH *Everyone but Mark laughing* M: *while laughing* Owwwie A: Hey, that’s pretty good.
K: Yeah, can we see the next person’s? E: Anyway, all this bulls**t aside. K: Woah.
A: The real masterpiece E: Do I even need to explain? A: I would like to see it.
K: Yeah. E: Innovation. M: Uh
A: I would like to-
T: I wanna-I wanna know T: I wanna see how-what it [incomprehensible]
M: How does it work? E: How does it work?
M: Yeah, how does it work? E: Come along, right?
M: Mhmm E: You see your enemy
M: Yeah E: This is the king right here. He’s got his cap.. You load the bullet *laughter* E: And ya fire *laughter* T: What did-what did you use to hold it together? E: *laughs* glue
M: Glue, you idiot E: It doesn’t glue! It’s sparkle gel glue for writing an- T: This aside-this aside, what does the glue look like to you? M: Glue. What does it look like?
T: Nevermind. E: Oh were you gonna say-
M: What does it look like to you?
T: What does it look like to you guys? E: Were you gonna say semen? E: Ha funny joke. All glue is white and looks kinda like semen. What did you use to hold yours together? Glue that looks kinda like semen. M: Yeah, I’m on Ethan’s side now.
E: Yeah. M: With our powers combined, you take my wrist mounted technology M: and you port-wait
E: This can also be ankle mounted if need be.
T: Hold up T: There’s a newcomer in on this one. K: Oh boy T: Alright, mine’s ready for battle A&K: *laughing*
M: Alright, wait, alright. It’s- Woahohohohao
E: It’s war M: It’s war. A- It-no, the three minute timer went off a while ago K- A long time ago M-Alright A-Fill the hole up, that was- that was a good idea M-Alright we’re gonna get it T- Now it’s war E- F*ck M- Nah, it’s okay, that’s meant to do that T- Two enemies, E- Sorry, we misfired T- double action M- Easy E-That’s very intimidating M- But I think we’ll see in the firing contest T- HUH E- Well you can’t assist it Tyler, it has to go on its own M-Yeah E- Remember that was like the M-Yeah exactly E- It seems like you’re having some trouble there M-Yeah that doesn’t seem to be working Tyler M- Alright, impartial judges, who’s the winner M- Mine or Tyler’s T- Who’s the winner E (to Mark)- You mean ours? M- Mine A- No, I like Ethan’s M- What about my wrist mounted A- Are there categories like the Gingerbread one? M- Yeah sure, we’ll have uh, uh, uh, artistic interpretation T- Deadliest M-utility and deadliest (laughing) M- Mine hurt me M- Alright, who wins? E-Tyler M- You can’t say who wins A-Everyone loses M- That seems appropriate K-Yeah M-Yeah that seems right M- Okay thank you A- You think we would have learned from the last time but we have not K- High five K- We win M- Alright goodbye A- We clearly win T- BYEEEEEE M- Alright, very clearly, what this says is, I chose the right profession M- And also we should NOT be around weapons, or more specifically Tyler should not be around weapons.. Goodbye? *Laughter* M&E- Okay? M- Okay, so anyway that was the ballista challenge, you can vote at home for who was the real winner M- But it’s kinda obvious that none of us were M- So T-Nope M- Yeah, so not a one of us did anything right, I guess M- But maybe that’s how it should be M- So thank you everybody so much for watching, and as always we will see you in the next video, buh-bye E- Bye T- Byeeeeeeee M- CAN WE HIT E&M- ONE BILLION LIKES

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