All Adventurous Women Do

All Adventurous Women Do


– Charlie:
ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED?
– YES, THEY’RE CLOSED!
ARE YOU READY
FOR THE SURPRISE?
– I’M– I’M READY.
ARE YOU SURE?
– I’M SURE, I’M SURE.
WELL, UH, OKAY.
OKAY.
WHOO-WHEE. – YOU SHAVED YOUR HEAD.
– YEAH. YOU LIKE IT? NO, I DON’T LIKE IT.
I– I HATE IT. OH, NO. YOU LOOK SCARY TO ME,
LIKE MICKEY MOUSE
WITHOUT THE EARS. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? – IT’S FOR JOANNA.
– WHO THE FUCK IS JOANNA? SHE’S THE RECEPTIONIST
AT THE OFFICE. SHE HAS OVARIAN CANCER
AND SHE STARTED CHEMO TODAY, AND A BUNCH OF US
ARE DOING THIS
TO SUPPORT HER. THANKS FOR TELLING ME
ABOUT THE CANCER. NOW I LOOK LIKE
A TOTAL ASSHOLE. WELL– – HOW DO I LOOK?
( Charlie laughs )YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU’RE GONNA PUT A HEX
ON SOME POPULAR GIRLS. UH, O-OKAY,
“AMERICAN HISTORY X.” OH, YEAH. HAVE FUN.
GO TWEET THAT. YOU LOOK SCARY, TOO. SCARILY HOT
SLASH AMAZING?
( hisses ) WHAT IS GOING ON?
IS IT SOME KIND OF SOLSTICE? –( door closes )
– JUST TOUCH IT.
NO, I FEEL LIKE I DON’T
KNOW YOU ANYMORE.( theme music playing )( phone ringing )
– WHO THE FUCK?
– YO, KID.
– Hannah:You home?I MEAN,
FOR THE MOMENT, SURE.Come to the window.BETTER BE GOOD. THAT YOU CREEPING AROUND
DOWNSTAIRS? OH, YOU LOOK AWESOME.
COME THE FUCK UPSTAIRS. – OKAY.
BUT WAIT.I HAVE TO WARN YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING.
– WHAT?
IF YOU COME UP,
I’M GONNA TIE YOU TO MY BED
AND KEEP YOU FOR THREE DAYS. – I’M IN THAT KIND OF MOOD.
– OKAY, I’LL BE UP
IN A SECOND. OKAY, SO YOU LOOK, LIKE,
TOTALLY GORGEOUS AS ALWAYS. UM, AND, LIKE,
VERY CURRENT. I’M JUST WONDERING
IF IT’S MAYBE, LIKE,
A LITTLE BIT THREATENING… FOR BABYSITTING. IT’S FLOOR-LENGTH. I CAN SEE
YOUR BELLY BUTTON. RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH… – THIS IS SO HORRIBLE.
– I THINK YOUR STOMACH
IS FUNNY. WELL, MAYBE I DON’T WANT
MY BODY TO BE FUNNY. HAS THAT EVER
OCCURRED TO YOU? IT’S JUST THREE
OR FOUR POUNDS. IF YOU HATE IT SO MUCH,
YOU CAN LOSE FOUR POUNDS. WELL, I DON’T LOSE WEIGHT
FROM MY STOMACH; I LOSE WEIGHT
FROM MY FACE. YOU’VE TRIED A LOT,
TO LOSE WEIGHT? – NO, I HAVE NOT TRIED
A LOT TO LOSE WEIGHT.
– ( laughing ) BECAUSE I DECIDED I WAS
GONNA HAVE OTHER CONCERNS
IN MY LIFE, OKAY? – I APOLOGIZE.
– DO YOU EAT FOR FUN? – AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?
– FOR FUEL. I EAT FOR FUEL. I REMEMBER TO EAT
WHEN MY EYES GET CLOUDY. IF YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME
TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A REALLY GOOD BODY,
THEN YOU WIN. – YOU HAVE
A REALLY GOOD BODY.
– I HAVE FAT. YOU ACTUALLY
REALLY DON’T. – I’M LOOKING AT YOU,
AND YOU DON’T.
– YES, I DO. GATHER MY FAT. – I’M NOT GONNA PLAY
A DEMENTED GAME WITH YOU.
– GATHER MY FAT. YOU’LL FEEL LESS ALONE
IF YOU GATHER MY FAT. – THERE IT IS.
– THAT’S SKIN. – THAT IS ALL SKIN.
– SEE? SEE? –( cell phone buzzing )
– THAT’S SKIN.
YO, YOUR SHIT’S
BLOWING UP. YOU’RE A JERK. STOP IT. – HELLO?
– HELLO? SHH. BEATRIX, HONEY, I’M SORRY.
I CAN’T FIND IT. –( toy squeaks )
– Beatrix: CAN I COME, TOO?
NO, BABY.
MOMMY IS SHOOTING. – I’M SORRY.
COME ON.
– MWAH. Girl:SHE’S MAKING
A DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO USED TO BE RICH,
BUT NOW THEY’RE HOMELESS. BUT THAT CAN’T
JUST HAPPEN TO YOU. YOU MAKE CHOICES
TO GET THERE. RIGHT, LIKE YOU MAKE
CHOICES TO BE MEANTO YOUR
NEW BABYSITTER, RIGHT?
WE’LL SEE WHERE
THAT GETS YOU. Beatrix:
I WISH I WAS HOMELESS. OH, BEATRIX, WE TALKED
ABOUT THIS FOR 20 MINUTES
THIS MORNING. IT IS NOT FUN.
IT’S NOT LIKE CAMPING. Beatrix:
CHARLOTTA DIDN’T
LIKE TO PLAY. –DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY?
– YEAH, I LOVE IT.
Mom:
HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOKS LIKE
IT’S GONNA RAIN OUTSIDE. YOU GUYS ARE GONNA WANNA
DO SOME INSIDEY THINGS
TODAY, OKAY? AND DADDY’S
NOT COMING HOME
UNTIL ABOUT 10:00, SO JESSA’S GONNA
PUT YOU TO SLEEP. ALTHOUGH I WISH
I COULD. SORRY. SO YOU CAN
PRACTICE PIANO OR YOU COULD DO
YOUR MOSAIC WORK. OH, AND, LOLA,
I’M SURE JESSA WOULD LOVE
TO PROOFREAD YOUR NOVEL. ( whispering )
HER NOVEL– IT’S SO CUTE,
BUT IT’S ONLY 10 PAGES LONG. – OKAY.
– UGH, HOPE I’M NOT
FORGETTING ANYTHING. UH… OKAY. I WISH WE ACTUALLY
HAD TIME TO TALK. DAPHNE TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU,
WHAT A TRAVELER YOU ARE. – YEAH.
– OH, I ENVY THAT. I WANT TO PICK
YOUR BRAIN. – ( both laugh )
– THANK YOU SO MUCH. KISS ME, KISS ME.
GOODBYE. I LOVE YOU. – GOODBYE. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
– ( giggling ) WE’LL LOOK FOR HAMPY
IN THE MORNING, OKAY? SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
BE GOOD FOR JESSA. JESSA, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU ARE A LIFESAVER. –THANK YOU.
– D-DON’T WORRY.
OKAY.
– Girl: BYE.
– Beatrix:BYE, MOM.
– ( door closes )
MM-HMM. NO. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.
YEAH, I’LL CALL,
IF I– THANK YOU. BYE. WHO WAS THAT? THAT WAS
MY GYNECOLOGIST. AND WHAT DID SHE SAY? SHE WAS CALLING
WITH SOME NEWS ABOUT
MY VAGINA. WAS IT GOOD NEWS? I HAVE AN S.T.D.
I HAVE H.P.V. I HAVE H.P.V. – WHAT DOES THAT DO?
– I DON’T REALLY KNOW.
IT CAN CAUSE WARTS. AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY.
I DON’T HAVE THOSE, BUT IT CAN ALSO CAUSE
CERVICAL CANCER, SO THAT’S WHY I HAVE TO
GET MY CERVIX SCRAPED OUT
NEXT WEEK. FUCK, I’M SO SORRY. ARE YOU SORRY BECAUSE
YOU GAVE IT TO ME? – WHAT?
– I AM PRETTY SURE
YOU GAVE IT TO ME. YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON
I’VE BEEN HAVING SEX WITH. IT IS NOT PREVENTED
BY CONDOMS. – HOLD YOUR ROLL.
I DIDN’T GIVE IT TO YOU.
– WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW? – BECAUSE I GOT TESTED
AND I DON’T HAVE THAT.
– YOU GOT TESTED? – WHEN DID YOU GET TESTED?
LAST WEEK.MY BEST DYKE FRIEND
WORKS FOR A DICK DOCTOR,
AND I DON’T HAVE THAT SHIT. – ARE YOU SURE?
– YEAH, I’M SURE. SO NOW YOU OWE ME
AN APOLOGY. OKAY, I’M SORRY. I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO KNOW
THAT THAT SEEMED LIKE
A NATURAL ASSUMPTION, AND I WAS
FREAKED OUT, AND– ARE YOU ANGRY
WITH ME NOW? JUST ANNOYED, YEAH. WILL YOU STILL
HAVE SEX WITH ME? WHEN IT’S APPROPRIATE, SURE. CAN I HUG YOU GOODBYE? I’M BUSY. ( ringing ) GOOD AFTERNOON.
KWARTLER GALLERY. – Hannah:Hey, it’s me.
– HI, YOU.
How are you?
– I GOT A CALL FROM
THE DOCTOR WITH MY RESULTS.
AND? DO YOU–?It would appear that I do,
yes, have something.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT? I KIND OF CAN’T BELIEVE
THAT I AM SAYING THIS,
BUT I HAVE H.P.V.( crying )– MARNIE?
( sobs ) Yeah?ARE YOU CRYING? IT IS JUST SO UNFAIR,
HANNAH. LIKE, YOU’RE SO CAREFUL
ABOUT SEX AND EVERYTHING,
AND YOU’RE, LIKE, NERVOUS. I JUST FIGURED THAT, LIKE,
FOR PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY,
REALLY SCARED OF FLYING, THEIR PLANES NEVER GO DOWN. IT’S JUST NOT HOW IT WORKS. OH, MY GOD. WHAT IF YOU CAN’T
HAVE CHILDREN? MARNIE, I’M FINE, OKAY?
I’M FINE. – FUCKING ADAM.
He didn’t give it
to me, okay?
He got tested
and he doesn’t have it.
– I THINK IT WAS ELIJAH.
Elijah?BUT ELIJAH’S SUCH A LOSER. HE HAD ONLY SLEPT
WITH ONE PERSON
BEFORE YOU. IT WAS THAT CELLIST
WITH THE LOOSE JOINT DISORDER. I KNOW, AND SHE’S ALWAYS, LIKE,
LIKING MY FACEBOOK STATUS. IT’S SUCH A WEIRD,
AGGRESSIVE MOVE. IT’S LIKE, “SORRY I PASSED
YOU AN S.T.D., BUT I ENJOY
YOUR QUIRKY WEB PRESENCE.” ( laughs )
HOW CAN YOU JOKE AT A TIME
LIKE THIS, HANNAH? BECAUSE I’M FINE
AND I’M NOT GONNA DIE,
SO I’M FINE.Well, okay.I REALLY HATE
TO BRING THIS UP, BUT, YOU KNOW,
RENT IS DUE IN A WEEK. –The job search?
– I HAVE PRECANCER.
Beatrix:
“MY NEIGHBOR IS NAMED
CHAMAID LYRONS. SHE SUPPORTED ME
WHEN NO ONE ELSE DID, RIGHT AFTER
MY HUSBAND CHUCK DIED AND I LEFT
THE ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AND I ALMOST NEVER LEFT FROM
UNDER MY DINING ROOM TABLE.” – IS “SHUH-MADE”
HOW YOU SAY IT?
– YES. – HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?
– C-H-A-M-A-I-D. THAT’S A BEAUTIFUL NAME. – DID YOU COME UP
WITH THAT?
– YES. STORY’S GREAT,
REALLY GREAT. LOVING THIS STRING CHEESE.
KEEP GOING. –( TV playing )
– ( toilet flushes )
– THANKS FOR LETTING ME
CHANGE HERE, SHOSHANNA.
MM-HMM.DO YOU KNOW WHERE JESSA IS?
DO YOU KNOW WHEN
SHE’LL BE HOME?
PROBABLY NOT TILL LATE.
SHE HAS A JOB NOW. OKAY, I GUESS
EVERYBODY HAS A JOB NOW. –( crowd groaning )
– OH, MY EFFING “G,” NO.
– WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
– “BAGGAGE.”“BAGGAGE”?
WHAT’S “BAGGAGE”?
IT’S, LIKE, MY FAVORITE SHOW
ON GAME SHOW NETWORK. NO, SHE DIDN’T. MARNIE AND I DON’T HAVE CABLE,
SO I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT. SHUT UP. NO WAY.
GET OVER HERE NOW. OKAY, SO, THERE ARE
THREE CONTESTANTS. TODAY THEY’RE GIRLS. AND THIS GUY DANNY
IS LOOKING FOR LOVE, AND THEY EACH HAVE
THREE SUITCASES– A LITTLE ONE,
A MEDIUM ONE,
AND A BIG ONE. AND IN THEM THEY HAVE,
LIKE, THEIR SECRET BAGGAGE AND THEY REVEAL IT. AND IF IT’S SUPER FREAKY,
HE ELIMINATES THEM. – OKAY, LIKE THIS CHICK–
– THE BLACK ONE
OR THE BLONDE ONE? YEAH, THE BLACK ONE.
HER LITTLEST BAGGAGE IS THAT SHE SPENDS
$1,000 A MONTH
ON HER WEAVE, WHICH HOST JERRY SPRINGER
THINKS IS “UN-BE-WEAVE-ABLE.” HER MEDIUM BAGGAGE IS THAT
SHE PLANS HER WEDDING
AFTER THE FIRST DATE, AND HER BIGGEST BAGGAGE
IS THAT SHE POKES HOLES
IN CONDOMS. – WHOA!
– MM. – THAT’S A CRAZY THING TO DO.
– I KNOW. WHAT WOULD YOU PUT
IN YOUR BAGGAGE? I DON’T KNOW,
I FEEL LIKE– SO LIKE, FOR ME,
I THINK THAT MY LITTLEST BAGGAGE
WOULD PROBABLY BE MY I.B.S. AND MY MEDIUM BAGGAGE
WOULD BE THAT I TRULY
DON’T LOVE MY GRANDMOTHER. – LIKE, YOU DON’T
LOVE HER AT ALL?
– MM-MM. SO THEN WHAT WOULD
YOUR BIGGEST BAGGAGE BE? THAT I’M A VIRGIN. OBVIOUSLY. YEAH, BUT THAT DOESN’T
COUNT BECAUSE SOON YOU’RE
GONNA HAVE SEX AND THEN YOU’RE GONNA FORGET
YOU EVER DIDN’T HAVE SEX AND THEN YOU’RE GONNA
HAVE TO PICK A NEW BAGGAGE,
SO IT DOESN’T COUNT. I HOPE SO. WHAT’S YOURS? LET’S SEE,
MY LITTLEST BAGGAGE IS PROBABLY THAT I AM UNFIT
FOR ANY AND ALL PAYING JOBS. MY MEDIUM BAGGAGE
IS THAT I JUST BOUGHT
FOUR CUPCAKES AND ATE ONE
IN YOUR BATHROOM. AND MY BIGGEST BAGGAGE
IS THAT I HAVE H.P.V., WHICH I FOUND OUT TODAY. OH, MY GOD,
DO YOU HAVE WARTS? NO, I DON’T HAVE WARTS,
BUT, LIKE– I HAVEN’T LOOKED
DEEP INSIDE MYSELF, BUT I DON’T SEE
ANY WARTS. OH. IT’S, LIKE,
MUCH LESS BAD, THEN. JESSA HAS H.P.V. SHE DOES?
SHE NEVER TOLD ME THAT. YEAH, LIKE A COUPLE
STRAINS OF IT. SHE SAYS THAT
ALL ADVENTUROUS WOMEN DO. DO YOU KNOW
WHO GAVE IT TO YOU? OKAY, I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE GUY THAT I’M SEEING, BUT HE’S GOTTEN TESTED,
SO NOW I THINK IT WAS ELIJAH, – MY BOYFRIEND FOR THE LAST
TWO YEARS OF COLLEGE.
– MM-HMM. WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO? OKAY, HE BROKE UP WITH ME
BECAUSE HE NEEDED “SPACE.” BUT THEN HE CALLED ME
EVERY DAY FOR SIX MONTHS
CRYING, SO… – YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM.
– ABOUT MY H.P.V.? – MM-HMM.
– YEAH, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE
ANY SYMPTOMS FOR GUYS, AND ALSO IT WOULD OPEN
A LOT OF OLD WOUNDS FOR HIM. I THINK HE’S STILL
IN LOVE WITH ME. YEAH, BUT IT’S TOTALLY
THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO. AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE
TO BREAK A FEW EGGS TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE, DO YOU REALLY WANT
ALL OF HIS FUTURE LOVERS TO SUFFER THE SAME
DISEASE THAT YOU HAVE?
NO OFFENSE. YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID
IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. NO, IT’S TOTALLY
NOT THAT BIG A DEAL,
BUT IT’S STILL LIKE– I MEAN, JUST, LIKE,
IN THE S.T.D. WORLD, I THINK THAT’S
KIND OF COURTEOUS.DO YOU HAVE TO
DO IT IN PERSON?
UM, I DON’T KNOW. LIKE, WHAT ARE
THE OTHER OPTIONS? I’M JUST WORRIED THAT
IF WE SEE EACH OTHER, WE’RE GONNA
END UP HAVING SEX. BUT, LIKE, THAT’S OKAY
BECAUSE YOU BOTH ALREADY
HAVE H.P.V. GOD, THAT’S A REALLY
GOOD POINT. –( music playing )
– ( chatter )
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU. MARNIE, I THINK ONE
OF THESE PAINTINGS
IS UP CROOKED. WHAT MAKES YOU
SAY THAT? BECAUSE I LOOKED
AT IT, AND IT IS. JULIAN, BE A LAMB. RUN AND GRAB
MY TIT TAPE. HE’S GOT TO HAVE
A SERIOUS CASE
OF TALL DICK. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. – THANK YOU.
– ( gasps ) BOOTH JONATHAN. BOOTH JONATHAN,
GET OVER HERE. I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOU
FUCKING KOI SCHARF. YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY
ABOUT MEN WHO FUCK
ASIAN WOMEN. I KNOW WHAT YOU SAY
ABOUT MEN WHO AREN’T
FUCKING YOU ANYMORE. SHAME ON YOU. THIS LITTLE GIRL
IS A POWERHOUSE. SHE’S MY JACKIE O.
YOU SHOULD FUCK HER. DON’T FUCK
KOI SCHARF,
FUCK HER. SHE SAYS SHE HAS
A “BOYFRIEND,” BUT I’VE NEVER
SEEN HIM. BYE, REESE. I CAN’T BELIEVE
SHE JUST– I’M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THAT. I’M KIND OF MORTIFIED.
I MEAN, SHE’S A LITTLE
BIT DRUNK.IT’S JUST THAT I AMKIND OF A HUGE FAN
OF YOUR WORK. SO I DIDN’T WANT
TO GIVE OFF THE– TRY AND GIVE
LESS OF A SHIT. OKAY. THANKS.♪ YOU KNOW, BABY ♪♪ I KNOW YOU THINK WE CAN
MAKE IT ALL WORK OUT ♪
♪ BUT I GOTTA TELL IT
LIKE IT IS ♪
♪ AND I DON’T WANNA
MAKE THIS ANY HARDER
THAN IT NEEDS TO BE ♪
♪ SO DON’T CRY… ♪
– OH, MY GOD, HI.
– HI.
– HI. – HEY.
– MM. – HEY.
– HEY. – HEY.
– HEY. – YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
IT LOOKS GREAT.
– YES. OH, THANK YOU. YEAH. REMEMBER THAT TIME
YOU GREW A BEARD AND
THEN YOU SHAVED IT, AND THEN I DIDN’T REMEMBER
WHAT YOUR FACE LOOKED LIKE,
SO I CRIED? ( laughs )
YES, THAT WAS–
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. DO I LOOK
THE SAME TO YOU? HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT? IF I HAVE,
IT’S ONLY A FEW POUNDS. I THINK PEOPLE
JUST REMEMBER ME FATTER. OH, NO, HANNAH.
YOU WERE NEVER FAT. YOU WERE SOFT AND ROUND,
LIKE A DUMPLING. THANK YOU. YOU’RE WELCOME. SO HOW’S WORK?
ARE YOU STILL AT
THE ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE PLACE? OH, NO, NO.
ACTUALLY, I’VE TAKEN
AN EXCITING NEW POSITION. I’M AN ASSISTANT
TO A CURATOR OF DANCE. – OH, WOW.
– YEAH, IT’S UNPAID, BUT IT COULD VERY WELL
LEAD TO SOMETHING. BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? – I MEAN,
HOW’S THE WRITING?
– WELL, IT’S GREAT. I’M ACTUALLY–
I’M ALMOST DONE
WITH A BOOK OF ESSAYS. THAT’S AMAZING.
IS IT TITLED? RIGHT NOW
IT’S “MIDNIGHT SNACK” IS THE TITLE,
THE WORKING TITLE. I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THERE’S LOTS OF TITLES. UM, IT’S REALLY GREAT
TO HEAR FROM YOU. REALLY GREAT
TO HEAR FROM YOU. I MEAN,
I’VE BEEN THINKING HOW MUCH I WANTED
TO SPEAK WITH YOU. WELL, ELIJAH,
I’M REALLY HAPPY
TO SEE YOU, TOO. – I DON’T WANT
TO MISLEAD YOU.
– MM-HMM. I DID NOT BRING YOU HERE
TO RETREAD OLD TERRITORY
EMOTIONALLY. – OKAY.
– I’M MORE OPEN
TO IT PHYSICALLY, AND I BROUGHT YOU HERE
TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
PRETTY SPECIFIC. – WHICH IS
A LITTLE BIT TOUCHY.
– ALL RIGHT. I DON’T WANNA ASSUME
ANYTHING ABOUT YOU
AND OTHER PARTNERS. IT’S TRUE. IT’S TRUE? ( sighs )
AND I HATE THAT
YOU FOUND OUT THROUGH THE POST-COLLEGIATE
RUMOR MILL. BUT I’M GLAD THAT YOU HEARD,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THINGS WITH BEAU
ARE MOVING SO QUICKLY, AND I JUST FELT LIKE
EVENTUALLY WE WERE GOING
TO EITHER SEE YOU, OR– BEAU? WELL, THAT’S HIS NAME, YES. AND BEAU IS? MY LOVER. WHO’S MALE? YES. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT. OH. SO YOU’RE GAY? OH, WELL, I DON’T, UM– I DON’T SAY GAY. I DON’T SAY
STRAIGHT, EITHER. I’M– I’M WITH A PERSON
OF MY OWN GENDER, WHICH ESSENTIALLY MEANS
THAT I AM, YOU KNOW– – EXPERIMENTING.
– UM– – WHICH I LOVE.
– WELL, THANK YOU. – WHICH I LOVE.
– THANK YOU. OH, HANNAH. HANNAH, HANNAH, HANNAH,
HANNAH, HANNAH. – DON’T–
– DON’T. – DON’T.
– OKAY, OKAY. I’M FINE. WHAT I’M HAVING RIGHT NOW
IS AN INAPPROPRIATE
PHYSICAL REACTION TO MY TOTAL JOY FOR YOU
AND YOUR SELF-DISCOVERY. WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU. AND LISTEN,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT THIS EXPLORATION WAS VERY MUCH
INSPIRED BY YOU. –AND–
– I DO EXPLORE.
YOU DO.
– I MEAN, RIGHT NOW
I’M SEEING THIS GUY,
AND SOMETIMES
I LET HIM HIT ME ON THE SIDE OF MY BODY. I MEAN, THAT’S GREAT
THAT YOU’RE SEEING SOMEONE. – Marnie: WHY ARE WE RUNNING?
– COME ON, DON’T BE LIKE THAT. THE HIGH LINE
IS KINDA BULLSHIT,
BUT IT’LL WORK. – OH, THE HIGH LINE’S CUTE.
– NO, IT’S NOT. SLOW DOWN. – Booth:WHAT? NO.
– ( metal rattles )
HAVE YOU EVER COME HERE
WITH, LIKE, A BOOK
AND SOME FRIENDS? – IT’S A LAME SUGGESTION.
( metal rattling )– Marnie: IT CLOSES AT 10:00.
– YEAH, I SEE THAT. OH, YOU KNOW, SMOKING
IS REALLY BAD FOR YOU. – WHAT, CIGARETTES?
– YEAH. OH, HOLY SHIT.
I HAD NO IDEA.
THANK YOU. – ( laughs )
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.SO, DO YOU LIVE
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND? – NO, I LIVE WITH
MY BEST FRIEND.
SHE CUTE?– IS SHE?
NO!I MEAN, YES, SHE’S CUTE,
BUT I WOULD NEVER LET HER ANYWHERE NEAR
SOMEONE LIKE YOU. – OH, BURN!
– YEAH, WELL, YOU USUALLY
HOOK UP WITH, LIKE, FRENCH GIRLS
AND MODELS, RIGHT? NOT ALL THE TIME. –( Marnie laughs )
– SOMETIMES.
– SOMETIMES?
MOST OF THE TIME.YEAH. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE
TO SAY SOMETHING. – WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
– ( laughs ) I FEEL LIKE
I SHOULD TELL YOU
THAT I’M NOT GONNA– I’M NOT GONNA KISS YOU. WHY WOULD YOU THINK
THAT I WOULD WANNA KISS YOU? I DON’T KN– I WAS
GOING OUT ON A LIMB. DON’T MAKE ME FEEL STUPID. WHEN YOU ASSUME, YOU MAKE
AN ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME.YOU SEE,
THAT’S A SAYING.
– PEOPLE SAY THAT.
– IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I HEARD THAT. WELL, TOUCHE. I JUST FELT LIKE
I HAD TO SAY IT, –BOOTH JONATHAN.
– OKAY.
– OKAY?
I SEE.BUT I WANT YOU
TO KNOW, THE FIRST TIME
I FUCK YOU, I MIGHT SCARE YOU
A LITTLE BECAUSE I’M A MAN, AND I KNOW
HOW TO DO THINGS. SEE YOU LATER.( music playing )( lock clicks ) ( gasping ) ( clatters ) – HEY. JEFF.
– HI. JESSA. – YEAH, BABYSITTER.
– YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU. THANKS.
SO, HOW’D IT GO? WITH WHAT? UM… OH, THE KIDS. OH, BEA IS SO CUTE. YEAH, SHE FELL OVER
AND I KICKED HER IN THE HEAD
TRYING TO GET HER UP. SHE’S SO RESILIENT. HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT? OH, I’M, LIKE,
TOTALLY DESTROYED. I WENT ON A TRULY
PATHETIC OUTINGTO THE BOWERY BALLROOM.IS THERE ANYTHING SADDER
THAN A BAND ROCKING OUT TO A COMPLETELY EMPTY ROOM? I’M SORRY NO ONE CAME
TO SEE YOUR BAND. NO, IT WASN’T MY BAND. – I MEAN, I’M NOT–
– OH. OH. IT WAS MY FRIEND’S.
ANYWAY, THEY WERE AWFUL. WELL, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE THEY WEREN’T AWFUL. MAYBE– MAYBE
YOUR TASTE IS AWFUL. – DO YOU SMOKE POT?
– YEAH. OKAY.
UM, OKAY. YEAH, OKAY. Hannah:
SO I’M PROCESSING THIS.
DOES THIS MEAN
THAT THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER,
YOU WERE…? OH, I MEAN, ARE YOU– YOU’RE ASKING DID I ALWAYS
WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MEN? YES. ARE YOU ASKING
DID I THINK ABOUT IT
WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER? UH, YES. SO THEN HOW WERE YOU ABLE
TO HAVE SEX WITH ME? WELL, THERE’S A– THERE’S A HANDSOMENESS
TO YOU, JUST– – OH, MY GOD.
– ALL RIGHT, THAT’S– MAYBE
THAT WASN’T THE RIGHT– WELL, I AM VERY,
VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. THANK YOU.
IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. BUT I DO WISH
THAT YOU COULD HAVE MAYBE FIGURED THIS OUT
A LITTLE BIT SOONER, LIKE MAYBE WHEN WE WERE
AT LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE, BECAUSE THERE WERE
A LOT OF GAY MEN THERE. OKAY, OKAY.
NOW I JUST FEEL THERE’S A LOT OF AGGRESSION
COMING OFF OF YOU. AND ALSO, I WANNA
LET YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON
I BROUGHT YOU HERE WAS NOT TO DISCUSS
OUR PAST RELATIONSHIP, BUT TO DISCUSS THE FACT
THAT I HAVE AN S.T.D. AND I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE
YOU GAVE IT TO ME. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? BECAUSE I’VE BEEN
HAVING PROTECTED SEX WITH MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND AND ALSO HE DOESN’T
HAVE H.P.V. – H.P.V.?
– HE WAS TESTED
AND HE DOESN’T HAVE IT. – OH, YOUR BOYFRIEND
WAS TESTED FOR H.P.V.?
– YES. – WELL, THAT’S ABSURD.
– AND WHY IS THAT ABSURD? BECAUSE THERE IS
NO TEST FOR MEN.THERE IS NO WAY A MAN
CAN BE TESTED FOR H.P.V.,
AND YOUR BOYFRIEND
WOULD KNOW THAT HAD HE EVEN TAKEN
AN INTRO-LEVEL TO HUMAN
SEXUALITY WORKSHOP. OKAY, SO YOU’RE SAYING
THAT YOU DON’T HAVE IT. NO, I’M SAYING
THAT THERE’S NO WAY
FOR ME TO KNOW. AND QUITE FRANKLY, HANNAH,
I RESENT THE ACCUSATION. YOU WERE– YOU WERE
ALWAYS LIKE THIS. OKAY, THIS IS NOT
THE TIME FOR YOU TO THROW STONES,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M THE ONE
WHO WAS LIED TO– – BY WHO?
– BY YOU, FOR TWO YEARS. WELL, I THINK IT WAS
MAYA ANGELOU WHO SAID, “WE ARE ONLY AS BLIND
AS WE WANNA BE.” SO YOU’RE SAYING
THAT I WAS SUPPOSED
TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE GAY? BECAUSE LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING– THIS FRUITY LITTLE VOICE
THAT YOU’VE PUT ON… – EXCUSE ME?
– …IS A NEW THING. FRUITY LITTLE VOI–
FRUITY LITTLE VOICE? KEEP YOUR V–
KEEP IT DOWN. – IS THIS ABOUT THE SCARF?
– IT’S NOT ABOUT THE SCARF. THE SCARF IS NOT
HELPING THE SITUATION, BUT IT’S ABOUT
YOUR TONE OF VOICE, IT’S ABOUT
YOUR MANNERISMS. – AND IN MY HEAD–
– I AM MY AUTHENTIC SELF. I AM BEING
MY AUTHENTIC SELF. IF YOU HAD BEEN
THIS GAY IN COLLEGE, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN BECAUSE
I HAVE TWO EYEBALLS, – TWO EARS–
– REALLY? YOU MIGHT WANNA TAKE
SOME STEPS BACK THROUGH
YOUR OTHER BOYFRIENDS. AND NOT FOR NOTHING,
MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR DAD. YOU DIDN’T JUST. I DID. IN WHAT WAY DOES MY FATHER
READ GAY TO YOU? UH, WELL, HE HAS
A STUD IN HIS EAR. HE GOT IT ON A TRIP
HE TOOK WITH A BUNCH
OF HIS MALE FRIENDS. – I HEARD WHAT
THAT SOUNDED LIKE.
ARE WE HEARING OURSELVES?– I DON’T THINK WE ARE.
– YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GONNA
DO FROM NOW ON? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? ASK PEOPLE IF THEY’RE GAY
BEFORE I HAVE SEX WITH THEM. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. AND DON’T BE SURPRISED
IF PEOPLE ASK YOU IF YOU KEEP DRESSING
LIKE THAT. I’M GONNA HAVE THE LAST WORD
IN THIS SITUATION. – IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.
– NO. – YOUR DAD IS GAY.
– NO. – 53.
– ( laughs ) OH, MY GOD! – 54. 54. I’M SORRY.
– NO. STOP. NO. – PEOPLE TELL YOU
YOU’RE GOOD AT THAT?
– ALL THE TIME. ‘CAUSE YOU’RE BAD AT THAT.
YOU’RE VERY BAD AT THAT. – YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THAT.
– YOU KNOW WHAT– I WAS
PROBABLY PICKING UP ON YOUR SPIRIT,
WHICH FEELS 53. – OH, MY GOD, THAT IS
SO MUCH WORSE.
– ( laughs ) WHAT’S YOUR JOB? HAS ANYBODY EVER TOLD YOU
THAT’S NOT A POLITE QUESTION? NO. DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE
THE ANSWER’S BORING? OR IT ALSO COULD BE
THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB. DO YOU NOT–
DO YOU NOT HAVE A JOB? IT’S OKAY.
I DON’T HAVE A JOB. I NEVER HAD A–
I MEAN, I DIDN’T HAVE
A JOB UNTIL TODAY. – YEAH?
– YEAH. ALL RIGHT, WELL,
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? DIDN’T ANYONE EVER TELL YOU
THAT’S A RUDE QUESTION? ( both laughing ) – DADDY?
– HMM? OH. HEY, BEA.
HOW ARE YOU? WHAT’S UP?
DID WE WAKE YOU UP? – WITH YOUR TALKING.
– OH, I’M SORRY, SWEETHEART. – I WAS JUST GONNA PAY…
– JESSA? YEAH, I KNOW.
I KNOW, LADY. – LET ME GET MY WALLET.
– YOU KNOW WHAT? DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. PAY ME TOMORROW.
IT’S FINE. FINE. – DADDY?
– YEAH, BABY? WHY ARE YOU EATING
MY SCHOOL SNACK? UM, ‘CAUSE SOMETIMES
DADDIES NEED A SNACK. BUT YOU’RE NOT
IN NIGHT SCHOOL. –( music playing )
– ( keyboard clicking )
♪ I knew I was sad ♪♪ I recognized it was bad ♪♪ But now looking back ♪♪ I see my mind ♪♪ It was cracked– ♪( clicks )
– ( new song begins )
( keyboard clicking )♪ SOMEBODY SAID
YOU GOT A NEW FRIEND ♪
♪ DOES SHE LOVE YOU
BETTER THAN I CAN? ♪
( muffled music playing )( music blaring )
– ♪ I’m giving it my all… ♪
– HANNAH?
♪ But I’m not the girl
you’re taking home ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪♪ I keep dancing
on my own ♪
♪ I’m just gonna
dance all night… ♪
YO, GIRL.
– YO, GIRL.
WHAT’S UP?
OH, MY GOD, ELIJAH’S GAY. – WHAT?
– YES. OH, MY GOD.
THAT IS FUNNY. FUNNY IS ONE WORD FOR IT.
I WAS GONNA GO WITH
FUCKED OR SAD. BUT, I MEAN, I PROBABLY
SHOULD HAVE SUSPECTED BECAUSE HE ONLY EJACULATED
LIKE 30% OF THE TIME. AND HE SEEMED GAY. YEAH, HE– HE SEEMED GAY. HE SEEMED GAY. – YEAH, HE WAS GAY.
– ( both laughing )♪ Why can’t you see me? ♪♪ Oh ♪♪ I’m giving it my all ♪♪ But I’m not the girl
you’re taking home ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪♪ I keep dancing on my own ♪♪ I keep dancing
on my own ♪
♪ SO FAR AWAY,
BUT STILL SO NEAR ♪
♪ THE LIGHTS GO ON,
THE MUSIC DIES ♪
♪ BUT YOU DON’T SEE ME
STANDING HERE ♪
♪ I JUST CAME
TO SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ I’M IN THE CORNER
WATCHING YOU KISS HER ♪
♪ OH OH OH ♪♪ I’M GIVING IT MY ALL ♪♪ BUT I’M NOT THE GIRL
YOU’RE TAKING HOME ♪
♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪♪ I KEEP DANCING ON MY OWN ♪♪ I KEEP DANCING
ON MY OWN ♪
– ♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ I KEEP DANCING
ON MY OWN. ♪

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